he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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