well most of my day revolves around power hour
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize