You don't have asthma, your pregnant
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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