I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
