While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
