I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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