I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize