So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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