We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is wine microwaveable?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We have started to decorate penises.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
