haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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