waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
