there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So vagazzling was a success
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize