You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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