You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
