nut hugger
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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