I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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