He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
