im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have feelings that need drinking.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
