for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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