maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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