Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
