I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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