i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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