Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
