i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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