i already hear my dad disowning me
I can text with my tongue
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
