I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
