I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
be right there i have to get my cape
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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