I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
