but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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