I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
