Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize