just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
