Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize