Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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