Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
