if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
