My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize