There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
