I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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