do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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