I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
