you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
