Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
