Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize