All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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