hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
