you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
