im six kinds of drunk right now
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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