Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
