He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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