and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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