This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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