I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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