I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize