He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
