I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize