On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
