The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
40s are totally the cure
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
