He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
