We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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