Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
