I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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