It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
