How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
