I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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