My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize