I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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