They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
