You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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