Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize