just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
