Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
honey bunches of taint.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
