I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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