We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
