I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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