The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
