he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
