she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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