If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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