Christians are straight up FREAKS
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
