did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
