It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it's like iHOP with fire
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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