Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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