Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
