See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
