You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize