You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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