I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
