My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
