That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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