Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
