These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
