Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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