You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
