I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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