i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
