Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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