I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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