i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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